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Why your wellness 'to-do' list is making you miserable, and how to find a practice you'll actually "want" to do.
How many of these sound familiar?
"I should go to the gym 5 days a week."
"I should meditate for 30 minutes every morning."
"I should cut out sugar, carbs, and everything joyful."
This is what I call the "wellness 'should' list." It's the list of things we feel obligated to do, not the things we want to do.
The gym is packed on January 2nd and a ghost town by Valentine's Day for one simple reason: this cycle of 'resolution burnout' isn't just tiring; it's toxic. It frames wellness as a punishment for December, not a celebration of our bodies.
What if, for 2026, we tried something... kinder? What if we set wellness goals based on how we want to feel, not what we think we should do?
This is the heart of the "honest goal" principle.
We confuse two types of motivation: extrinsic and intrinsic.
- Extrinsic (or 'Should') Goals: These are motivated by external validation. "I should lose 10 pounds" is often a stand-in for "I want people to find me more attractive" or "I want to fit into old jeans." The goal is a number on a scale. It's empty.
- Intrinsic (or 'Honest') Goals: These are motivated by your own internal values. "I want to have the energy to play with my kids," "I want to feel strong in my body," or "I want to calm my mind so I can be more present." The goal is a feeling. It's rooted in self-compassion.
The Should' Sledgehammer Always Fails
Setting extrinsic wellness goals is like trying to build a house with a sledgehammer. You're using a tool of force and destruction, and then you're surprised when you're left with a pile of rubble and a profound sense of exhaustion.
When you force your body with 'shoulds,' it will eventually rebel.
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Let's trade the sledgehammer for a compass.
Here are the strategies to find your intrinsic, honest wellness goals for 2026.
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🔍 Ditch the “Shoulds” — Do a Reality Check
Grab a sheet of paper. Left side: all your wellness “shoulds” (e.g., “I should run a 10k”). Right side: interrogate each one like a curious toddler. Ask “Why?” five times.
Example:
- “I should run a 10k.”
- Why? → “To get in shape.”
- Why? → “To feel healthier.”
- Why? → “So I have more energy.”
- Why? → “So I can be more creative and less tired at work.”
💥 Boom. The real goal isn’t the 10k. It’s energy and creativity. Maybe the answer isn’t pounding pavement — maybe it’s getting 8 hours of sleep. Audit your “shoulds” and uncover your truth.
🎯 Make Your Goal SMART — But Keep It Honest
Now that you’ve found your real goal (say, “energy and creativity”), build a SMART goal that serves you — not the other way around.
Instead of “Run a 10k,” try:
“To boost my energy (Relevant), I’ll Step away from work and walk for 10 Minutes at 3 PM, Achievably 3 times this Time-bound week.”
This isn’t a punishment. It’s a power tool. Use it. Don’t worship it.
✅ Redefine Success: Just Show Up
Forget perfection. Forget streaks. Forget 30-minute meditations.
Try this:
“I will sit on my meditation cushion for 1 minute.”
That’s it. You showed up. You’re becoming the kind of person who meditates. That’s the win. The rest will follow.
💡 Link Habits to What You Value
Want habits that stick? Anchor them to your values.
If you value Peace:
→ “5 minutes of quiet with my coffee before I check my phone.”If you value Connection:
→ “One 30-minute walk with a friend each week.”If you value Strength:
→ “10 push-ups before my morning shower.”
Micro-habits. Macro impact. Let your values lead the way.
⚒ Recommended Tool: A tool I highly recommend for this is the Insight Timer app. It's a free library of guided meditations. Search for "self-compassion" or "mindful awareness." It’s a game-changer for moving from "punishment" to "presence."
True wellness isn't a goal you achieve; it's a compassionate conversation you have with your body and mind every day.
👉What's one "should" you're letting go of, and what "honest" goal are you replacing it with? Share your reflections with us in the comments!
If you are seeking direction, clarity, or a fresh start…
we’d love to connect with you.
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